La vie

I don't remember exactly how, but somehow I came across the blog of a musician named Paul Cardall. Paul has had heart problems since he was a little boy, and is has been awaiting a heart transplant for some time now. His perspective on life deeply touched me. He has a beautiful wife and an adorable little daughter, and has had to stay at home this last year because of his health. Every day, inevitably, Paul thinks of life and of the possibility of death.

I wanted to share some of his thoughts, because they really helped me reflect on the meaning of each day. "Do . . . human beings ever realize life while they live it—every, every minute?” (from Thornton Wilder's Our Town)

Quotes from Paul Cardall:

"Thoughts of the future are heavy on my mind. I should note that I am at peace. My faith sustains me. But, it’s impossible for me not to discuss feelings on the subject of dying living in my shoes with heart failure that requires a transplant, and not just any transplant, but a rather difficult surgery, which requires several pediatric thoracic surgeons.
"At age 13 when I laid deathly ill with endocarditis in the hospital I had no notion that I would die during that time. I even overheard my doctor after he walked out of my room during rounds say, “if we don’t do something quick we’re going to lose that kid.” I thought to myself, “I’ll be fine.” Of course, we all know kids believe they are immortal, especially teenagers.
"I remember a difficult moment a year later while recovering from reconstructive open-heart surgery wherein doctors had to go back in and reopen my chest. I was frustrated. When they had to do it a third time because of further complications I remember saying to my dad, “can’t I just go home?” meaning back to God. "I’m tired of all of this," I said.
"As an adult it becomes much more difficult to think about. I have responsibility. I’m a father and husband. The truth is I am not afraid to die because my faith sustains me but I am afraid of missing out on my daughter’s life and helping my beautiful wife raise her."

"I don’t wish dying on anyone. But, if we could think about our own death for 2-3 minutes each day I believe we would see the world differently. If we thought of what life would be like without that certain someone how would we treat them? The argument you had with a friend or family member becomes meaningless. The world in general becomes more beautiful. Each day is a new gift from God. Life becomes a greater opportunity to do something positive to make this world better. “Every man dies. Not every man really lives,” said William Wallace (Braveheart)"

"Life is a great gift. I look forward to each new day."